How to shield kids from layoff stress

Eleven-year-old Adam Clark of Tempe knows more than he should about the country's economic problems. Both of his parents have lost their jobs - his mother last year and now his dad.

And as much as his parents have reassured him that their family will be fine, Adam worries.

"I thought that we'd start selling furniture and we'd have to move," he says, looking from one parent to the other. His dad pulls him into a hug.

Although parents hope to shield their children from the stress of layoffs and other financial hardships, children know from their parents' voices and actions, the flurry of phone calls and the whispered conversations after they are tucked into bed that something is wrong.

Not only are children well-aware of the family financial situation, the stress can cause them to act up in school, sleep fitfully and even get sick with otherwise unexplainable headaches and stomachaches, says Charles Sophy, a psychiatrist and medical director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services.

Parents can help their children cope by talking about what's happening in a way kids can understand, keeping the family close and, if they're old enough, letting kids do what they can to help. Above all, parents should be honest.

"Kids pick up on the anxiety in a household," says Laura Rowley, a mother of three and personal-finance expert who wrote the book Money and Happiness: The Guide to Living the Good Life. "If you say nothing at all, it's sort of like the monster in the closet that gets bigger and bigger and bigger."

Children's worries

A year ago, when Adam's mom, Laura Clark, was laid off from her job in the information-technology department at Arizona State University, he actually was quite pleased. He says, "Her boss was a 'mean-ager.' " But when his dad lost his job, Adam was caught off guard.

"I was thinking if he doesn't get another job, we're probably going to go belly-up," Adam says.

Ironically, Adam's dad is Tracy Clark, an economist at ASU's W.P. Carey School of Business who was the regular go-to guy for local media to explain economic issues in layman's terms.

For kids, the effects of a parent's job loss are comparable to those seen in other kinds of trauma, Sophy says. Parents should watch for changes in sleep patterns, appetite, schoolwork, behavior and friendships.

But children also can come through tough times unscathed - and stronger. The most successful families are those who remain close and work together. Laura and Tracy believe there's much to be learned from this experience.

"Our hope for Adam is he has just enough challenges in his life to prepare him for challenges later in life," Tracy says.

Learning from hard times

Children can learn resiliency and resourcefulness in times like this. Surprisingly, kids don't seem to mind the lack of money, Rowley and Sophy say. Far more important to them is that their family life isn't disrupted.

When Maureen Velazquez of Scottsdale sat down her four children (a 10-year-old, a 6-year-old and 9-year-old twins) to tell them their dad had been laid off, the children looked scared. They'd thought she was going to announce a divorce.

"As long as we were going to be together, they were fine," she says.

Her husband has since found a job in Iowa, and the family will move there at year's end.

"This has kind of been a good lesson because even though we have to cut back, I told the kids, 'We still have three meals a day, warm beds at night and a roof over our heads,' " Velazquez says.

Sophy and Rowley suggest asking children to come up with ideas for spending time together without spending much money, like watching DVDs instead of going to the movies. Older kids may want to help organize a garage sale or mow lawns.

"That empowers them and teaches them to be resourceful," Rowley says.

Even before she lost her job, Laura Clark liked a good bargain.

"I don't pay full price for anything," Laura says.

With a master's degree in business administration, she looks at saving money as a challenge. She sells or trades books at Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe and sells computer games on eBay.

The family eats out less often. They watch TV and read. Adam hasn't complained once. A good thing about having Dad at home, Adam says, is that they get to spend more time together playing cards and building with Legos.

Circle of support

Together, the Clarks worked on resumes and looked over applications. Laura says, "We were saying to Adam, 'Look, we're in this all together.' "

Adam eagerly followed the progress of his parents' job hunt: "Whenever my dad gets a phone call, I listen to see if it is good news." Family members offered dinner invitations and to keep Adam. Even Adam's friends called more often, asking him to come over and play. People from church offered prayers.

"It changes your reaction when you know there are that many people out there pulling for you," Tracy says.

The Clarks have landed on their feet.

Laura is teaching computer classes part time at Mesa Community College. Tracy started a new job at the Arizona Department of Transportation in November, just as his paid leave from ASU ran out.

"I knew he could do it," Adam says. "When he got a new job, I was happy. I was happy because he was happy."